Thoughts on Community Service

Random, unorganized, half-formed thoughts on community service.

I was recently exposed to an educational philosophy that has me very excited about my decision to homeschool (more on that later). One of the key tenets of this philosophy is that the primary curriculum of a child's early years (birth to about age 8) is simply (ha!) learning good from bad, right from wrong, and true from false. These are the impressionable years where you have the opportunity to fully indoctrinate your child into your family's values. 

Of course, this has me thinking about our family's values. I am, once again, renewing my efforts at (weekly) daily Mass attendance. I believe that I have found a nice, nearby Mass at a time that almost works for my family (it's the 8:15 am Mass at St. James for those who may be interested).

I am also, once again, interested in finding some sort of service opportunity to participate in with my children. And this is where I begin sharing my rambling, half-baked, stream-of-consciousness with you.

It occurred to me as I was searching for an opportunity that something as simple as baking cookies for the elderly couple across the street would be a great way to serve with my kids. It also seems the best formalized service available to me with small kids is visiting seniors in nursing homes. I cannot imagine anything I'd less like to do. It seems so awkward. Does anyone who's done this have any insights on how to do it well?  


I'd like to start modeling service to the community for my kids, but . . . This is hard for me to articulate. I don't want to create an "other" mindset. Does that make sense? I want my children to value serving everyone - not just those who are officially "at risk" "in need" or "less fortunate." I want them to serve their father, mother, sister, brother, neighbor, friend. I don't necessarily think that serving at a soup kitchen has instrinsically more value than sharing toys with your sibling. Does that make sense? I think in many ways it's easier to spend an evening feeling good about yourself serving soup to the homeless than it is to be nice to the people in your own home. I'm not saying that volunteering in a soup kitchen or a homeless shelter or a food bank is a bad thing. Not at all. These are very, very important things to do and opportunities I have considered. I just want to make sure that I don't give my kids the idea that spending time with a senior at a senior home is somehow better than spending time with their own grandparents.

And yet, even as I write that I think, "is it really not?" I mean, their grandparents have lots of friends. The old guy at the nursing home may not have anyone who comes to see him. Their grandparents are healthy and vital, nursing home residents generally can't get out and seek their own adventures.


The Catechism of the Catholic Church tells us that "the family should live in such a way that its members learn to care and take responsibility for the young, the old, the sick, the handicapped, and the poor (2208)."

The Bible tells us that "Religion that is pure and undefiled before God and the Father is this: to visit orphans and widows in their affliction and to keep oneself unstained from the world (James 1:27)."

We are also told "If anyone does not provide for his relatives, and especially for his immediate family, he has denied the faith and is worse than an unbeliever" (1 Timothy 5:8) and "If any woman who is a believer has widows in her family, she should help them and not let the church be burdened with them, so that the church can help those widows who are really in need" (1 Timothy 5:16).

So it seems to me that, yes, we are called first and foremost to "take care of our own." But this in no way diminishes our obligation to help our neighbor.

Okay. So again, random, jumbled thoughts! I'm not sure what I'm after here. Just thinking out loud I suppose. I welcome your own thoughts on the topic - even if they're as incoherent as mine!

Little Friends in the Forest

I was captivated by the "Instant Friends Kit" in the June/July issue of Disney's Family Fun magazine.

I was bored this afternoon and wanted to do something outside with the kids. I happened to have a handful of googly eyes on hand, so we made our own! Cute critters, don't you think?

Yay! Our Kindergarten Curriculum is here!

I guess I'm officially a homeschooler. I've always considered myself a homeschooler, but now that my son is officially of kindergarten age, it feels more official. People are going to start noticing he's not in school, even though he "should be."

We are enrolled in a homeschool enrichment program through the local school district. It's a neat program that meets one day a week and offers some of those enrichment activities that can be difficult or inconvenient to offer at home (group games in gym class, big messy art projects, dissection, etc.). It also offers a great community of homeschooling families for friendship and support. I'm really looking forward to it.

One of the really great benefits of the program is access to free curriculum, and I just got our supplies today. If I were to buy everything I just got for free, I'd have to spend over $600. So this is a really great perk. Each family is allowed to check out one product per subject per child/grade.

So what's in our package?

Sing, Spell, Read and Write
This looks like a really fun way to learn to read. It came with a ton of little readers and kids keep track of their progress by moving a little race car around a race track. I think DS will find this motivating. I'm excited about the music CD (he's a very auditory learner) and the games. We got it out and looked at it today and he's excited about it being special time with mommy while little sister naps.

Math-U-See
I don't know much about this except that the mom I talked to at the curriculum affair kept going on and on and about how clearly and easily it teaches basic math concepts. She had been using the Saxon program and then switched to Math-U-See and couldn't believe how well everything clicked for her kids after that. I like that it's hands on.

Power Glide Children's Spanish
This teaches Spanish through an action and adventure story. It's a very auditory program and I think DS is going to love it.

Artistic Pursuits
I actually wasn't sure about getting an art curriculum, but since it was free, I figured it didn't hurt to check it out. I liked this one because it comes with prints of famous pieces and teaches art appreciation and isn't just a "how to draw" course. I figured even if DS hates it, I might learn something from it.

I didn't get a social studies or science curriculum because, frankly, what was available was totally lame. We do a lot of science through our homeschool preschool co-op and, when I looked at the available text books, I realized that what we've been doing is at at least a 3rd grade level. So we're good there! As for social studies, I feel like DS is getting plenty of that through just our natural living - particularly what is considered kindergarten-level social studies.

I should mention here that I've been really hesitant about using curriculum at all. I certainly don't think it's necessary. But if we can keep it fun, I think it's a great way to provide some structure to our days and offer activities that DS and I can do together that we (hopefully) will both enjoy. DS seems excited about the idea of learning to read and write and do math. So I'm excited too!

A Mass-ive Headache

I have always felt called to attend daily Mass with my children. Not everyday, but at least once a week. I've never done it. Well, I may have taken #1 once or twice before #2 was born, but it's certainly never been part of my routine.

Recently, daily Mass attendance was a topic of conversation on a Catholic homeschooling board I am a part of, and I heard once again that this is something I need to do. "If today you hear God's voice, harden not your heart." I've been working on instituting more discipline into my life, and I have somewhat of a fledgling weekly routine, so I decided Thursday would be my day for taking the kids to Mass. Today is Thursday.

I have to tell you, I was not looking forward to this. My kids are not the sweet little angels that fold their hands neatly in their lap and sit, stand and kneel with the congregation. My 5yo boy likes to alternate giving me kisses and an angelic "aren't I being good?" smile with flopping his body around in the pew pretending he's just been shot. My 2yo girl likes to alternate "singing" loudly from the hymnal with digging through my purse to find my lipstick to smear all over her face while I'm attempting to pray.

They're cute. They're hilarious. So long as it's not your job to keep them "still and quiet" for the duration of Mass.

Now I don't have unreasonable expectations. I don't expect them to actually sit still and be quiet for the entire Mass. I expect to have to remind them of appropriate behavior. But I do expect my 5yo to respond to my reminders without "sassing" me. When I ask him to sit up, I expect him to sit up, not to let his tongue hang out of his mouth and kick the pews.

By the time the final blessing rolled around I was exhausted and discouraged. A kind older woman who had been sitting behind us came and told me I have beautiful children and that she "had to chuckle" because she's been there. She told me I was doing a good job. I appreciated her kindness, but I didn't believe her. I felt like a miserable failure.

We went home and I put the 2yo down for a nap, and, after some quiet time, my son and I had a snack together.

Suddenly he raised his cracker, broke it in half and said, "Take this all of you and eat it. This is my body." He turned to me and handed me half of the cracker. Then he asked, "Can the water be the blood?" Uh, sure. "Take this all of you and drink it. This is my blood." He handed me the cup.

Then he said something I don't quite remember about how Jesus makes him happy.

"How does Jesus make you happy?" I asked.

"He shares. He shares his body and his blood."

Well okay then, I guess it wasn't a complete waste of time taking him to Mass.

There's food growing in my yard!!!!

My husband has done an amazing job with our garden. My primary role has been as cheer leader, admirer, and, occasionally, nagging know-it-all (you know, because I read a book on gardening). I've put a few seeds in the boxes, but really, he deserves all of the credit for the fact that there's food growing in our yard!!!!

This is a new and exciting experience for us and we couldn't be more thrilled.

Here are my tomato and pepper seedlings I started indoors several weeks ago. I'm skeptical they'll produce any fruit, but truth be told, I was amazed they even sprouted.

I love this perfect square foot of radishes. It makes me very happy. If only I liked radishes.

This is chard we planted last year that survived the winter under a bed of dry leaves. I've been harvesting it for my breakfast omelets. There's something so satisfying about picking your breakfast from your garden in the morning!

We're big fans of greens around here so we've also got mustard greens, spinach and mixed baby lettuce.

It's not coming in quite as gloriously as what we planted in the boxes, but I love the beans, corn and sunflowers sprouting in our "stump garden." 

Finally, I must admit that I gave my husband a hard time about the money he spent on fruit trees. But there are PEARS AND APPLES growing in my yard! I had no idea what a thrill that would give me!!!

In case anyone is wondering about the one book I read that made me an expert on gardening, it's called Square Foot Gardening by Mel Bartholomew. He also has a great web site.

And in case anyone is wondering how I came to choose that one book from the thousands available, my dear friend and garden goddess Clea Danaan recommended it. Clea is much more "Zen" in her approach to gardening. If you prefer a more spiritual approach to gardening (as opposed to an approach designed by an engineer!), check out Clea's web site and books.

Belly is in the Eye of the Beholder

I'm in that stage of pregnancy where I can pretty much choose to look pregnant or not. It depends a lot on what I'm wearing, how I'm standing and how well you know what I look like when I'm not pregnant. There's no way I could hide it from close friends and family members, but I'm not "showing" enough for a stranger (at least a smart one) to risk asking when I'm "due."

Yesterday I was enjoying a beautiful morning sitting under a tree with a neighbor while our kids ran around. She commented that I "look great," that I'm still "so thin," and that you can't tell I'm pregnant at all. I appreciated the flattery, of course. Not 10 minutes later, I met another neighbor in her backyard where she asked me, "Did you pop this soon with #2 or is it because this is your third?"

Ah, well. As the saying goes, "flattery is the food of fools!"

Home Birth Elitism

I want to begin this post by saying that I am 100% supportive of and in favor of home birth. I think home birth midwives provide fabulous prenatal care, unbelievable labor support and amazing postpartum services. I believe home birth is safe and I absolutely think it should be legal everywhere.

BUT (you knew there was a "but"), I do not think that having a home birth makes you a superior human being. I also do not think that choosing to birth in a hospital means that you are fearful of the birth process, or that you have been duped by modern society into believing that pregnancy and birth are risky medical conditions, or that you are ignorantly (or willfully) putting your life and the life of your baby at risk by entering into a place where you will be drugged and cut against your will and will likely contract a MRSA infection in the process.

I recently had the privilege of hearing Ina May Gaskin speak to a group of parents and birth professionals about her work at The Farm and the history of obstetrics. She is an amazing speaker, midwife and woman, and it was a fascinating presentation. But what she failed to acknowledge in her talk, and what the audience seemed to fail to grasp, is that there are hospitals where women can receive the care and respect that they deserve through pregnancy and delivery.

We are incredibly fortunate in the Denver Metro area to have several woman- and baby-friendly hospitals. The Center for Midwifery at the University of Colorado Hospital offers skilled midwives who love natural child birth and know how to support women toward that end. You can also have a water birth in the hospital if you want! Also the Boulder Nurse Midwives, who have privileges at Boulder Community Hospital provide supportive, holistic, naturally minded care to women wishing to receive top quality care while birthing in a hospital.                                                                                    

In addition to the hospitals, women in the metro area can choose to birth at a free standing birth center. Mountain Midwifery Center strives to be a "maxi home" not a "mini hospital." Started by a former home birth midwife, the center provides yet another wonderful option for women birthing in Denver.

And, of course, Denver is blessed with a number of highly skilled home birth midwives with decades of experience in providing women with high quality prenatal care and amazing and safe home birth experiences.

The point is, in Denver, women have a lot of really good choices about where to go for prenatal care and  the labor and delivery experience. And women have all kinds of reasons for making the choices they do about where to birth. We should celebrate a woman's right to choose the care that is best for her and her family, not subtly undermine or belittle women who choose differently than we do.

I am so happy, giddy even, for my friends who have had the amazing home birth of their dreams. When I got pregnant for the third time, I once again considered home birth as an option for myself. After a lot of soul searching I realized that I don't want to birth at home.

Before hearing Ina May speak I wondered if I would be thrown back into a crisis about the choice that I've made. But I wasn't. I'm excited about giving birth again. I can't wait for the experience! I was just a touch saddened by the tsk- tsk-ing, the sad head shaking, the judgement I perceived from the home birth advocates when I was one of 2 women who admitted to planning to birth in the hospital.

All women are different. And different women want different things. And as women, we should support and even celebrate each other in the positive choices we make. Even if we wouldn't make the same choice ourselves.

Photo from my first hospital birth